fbpx
  • Subscribe & Support
  • Sign up for Free Newsletter
  • Print Edition
    • Get Home Delivery
    • Read ePaper Online
    • Newsstand Locations
  • HV1 Magazines
  • Contact
    • Advertise
    • Customer Support
    • Submit A News Tip
    • Where’s My Paper?
  • Manage HV1 Account
Hudson Valley One
  • News
    • Schools
    • Business
    • Sports
    • Crime
    • Politics & Government
  • What’s Happening
    • Calendar Of Events
    • Featured Events
      • Art
      • Books
      • Kids
      • Lifestyle & Wellness
      • Food & Drink
      • Music
      • Nature
      • Stage & Screen
  • Opinions
    • Letters
    • Columns
    • Editorials
  • Local
    • Special Sections
    • Local History
  • Marketplace
    • All Classified Ads
    • Help Wanted
    • Post a Classified Ad
  • Obituaries
  • Podcast
  • Log In
No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • Schools
    • Business
    • Sports
    • Crime
    • Politics & Government
  • What’s Happening
    • Calendar Of Events
    • Featured Events
      • Art
      • Books
      • Kids
      • Lifestyle & Wellness
      • Food & Drink
      • Music
      • Nature
      • Stage & Screen
  • Opinions
    • Letters
    • Columns
    • Editorials
  • Local
    • Special Sections
    • Local History
  • Marketplace
    • All Classified Ads
    • Help Wanted
    • Post a Classified Ad
  • Obituaries
  • Podcast
  • Log In
No Result
View All Result
Hudson Valley One
No Result
View All Result

Idiot moments

by Mark Sherman
March 6, 2020
in Columns
0

I am approaching a birthday, and birthdays always seem like a time to assess my life. Actually, for many years now they have seemed like a time to shriek with horror over the prospect of mortality, but I’ll settle for the assessment. Today, I’ve decided to look back at what can only be called idiot moments. There have been so many over the years that it will be hard to pick just a few. But here are a couple that come to mind.

I am not known for my bravery, but I did something at the age of 11 which showed bravery, or, to put it more accurately, incredible stupidity.

I was the skinniest boy in my seventh-grade homeroom. I had complained about this to my dad, who assured me that I was not. But one day in our gender-segregated hygiene class the teacher measured the heights of weights of all the boys in the class and announced them out loud. Loving math, I wrote them all down, and divided each boy’s weight by his height; I discovered that my ratio was the lowest. I was right. Plus I was not very tall. I was, in a two-word phrase, a skinny shrimp.

But I was a boy, and boys challenge other boys.

A popular pastime in the schoolyard after lunch was “Indian wrestling” (probably today called Native American wrestling). Two boys stood facing each other, with their right feet side by side; they then grasped each other’s right hand. Another boy said “Go,” and each participant would try to dislodge the other from his position.

I challenged Robert, one of the biggest boys in the class.

He protested. “No, Mark,” he said. “It’ll be ridiculous.”

But I was a boy. I had to prove myself.

So we assumed the position, surrounded by other boys; we took each other’s right hand, and someone said, “Go!”

The next thing I knew I was flying through the air and coming down head first to the ground. Amazingly — and maybe because I was so low to the ground — I don’t think I lost consciousness. But my head hurt terribly all afternoon, and the next day my neck was so stiff I couldn’t go to school.

But I had proved myself.

I had proved myself an idiot.

Another incident occurred when I was 11 or 12, and my brother was about 10, and our parents had left us home alone for a couple of hours one afternoon. Of course, this was a mistake. I don’t know if you’d call it child abuse or neglect, because we were, theoretically, a couple of pretty bright young guys, and this was a Jewish neighborhood in 1950s Brooklyn, where violent crime was almost unheard of. But leaving brothers alone together for any length of time before they reach the age of 60 or so is probably unwise.

What I thought might be fun was to toast some matzo. So I got a small piece and put it in the toaster. After a minute or so, when I figured it was done, I tried to take it out, but there was no way to reach it without using a fork. So without unplugging the toaster, I put the fork in.

Suddenly, I was jerked sharply backward.

Wow, I thought, that was great!

I didn’t realize that what had happened was that I had literally received a jolt of electricity, enough to convulse my body. All I knew is that I had had an incredible experience, which made my usual attempt to change my consciousness — namely, spinning — seem like a childish waste of time.

“Try it,” I said to my brother. “Come on, try it!”

While he was younger, he was in this case wiser, and he declined. I guess it had looked pretty frightening to see me thrown backward. And, actually, I did not repeat it. Something in my brother’s look of alarm probably convinced me that this was a one-time thrill.

I have long considered myself a pretty cautious person, but I guess that as a child I was relatively fearless (or monumentally stupid). Along with the Indian wrestling and toaster incidents, I once put my finger into the socket the guy at the corner hardware store used to test light bulbs, and another time I swung from our refrigerator door, jumping down only as the refrigerator began to fall forward.

Thankfully, I did wise up as I got older. Otherwise I could have wound up a candidate for one of those “Darwin awards,” which commemorate those who, according to the books and website of the same name, “improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.”

Tags: members
Thank you for reading Hudson Valley One. We rely on your support to continue providing local, substantive news. Please check out our subscription options to keep local journalism alive in the Hudson Valley.
- Geddy Sveikauskas, Publisher
Previous Post

May the rational rise

Next Post

Where to donate in Saugerties

Mark Sherman

Related Posts

Waghkonk Notes: Glorious day
Columns

Waghkonk Notes: Glorious day

May 12, 2022
What the newspapers said 100 years ago
Columns

What the newspapers said 100 years ago

May 10, 2022
Night Sky: This week’s total lunar eclipse
Columns

Night Sky: This week’s total lunar eclipse

May 10, 2022
Susan Slotnick: And they wound up here 
Columns

Susan Slotnick: And they wound up here 

May 9, 2022
Night Sky: A great eclipse coming up
Columns

Night Sky: A great eclipse coming up

May 6, 2022
Walkabout: Earth Days, or why T.S. Eliot got it wrong 
Columns

Walkabout: Earth Days, or why T.S. Eliot got it wrong 

April 29, 2022
Next Post

Where to donate in Saugerties

Trending News

  • Bubbe’s Deli opens in Gardiner’s former Mountain Harbor 1.6k views
  • Saugertes man faces multiple charges after domestic disturbance 1k views
  • The moon is down in Central Hudson 731 views
  • Expanded High Falls museum provokes rich insights 350 views
  • Ryan and Molinaro run for Congress, Gallagher available to move up 308 views







Latest HV1 Podcast

Weather

Kingston
◉
70°
Sunny
5:31am8:13pm EDT
Feels like: 70°F
Wind: 2mph W
Humidity: 26%
Pressure: 29.89"Hg
UV index: 1
ThuFriSat
70/48°F
82/63°F
97/68°F
Weather forecast Kingston, New York ▸

Ulster County COVID-19 Active Cases

Subscribe

Independent. Local. Substantive. Subscribe now.

×
You have free article(s) remaining. Subscribe for unlimited access.
View Subscription Offers Sign In
  • Subscribe & Support
  • Sign up for Free Newsletter
  • Print Edition
  • HV1 Magazines
  • Contact
  • Manage HV1 Account

© 2022 Ulster Publishing

No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • Schools
    • Business
    • Sports
    • Crime
    • Politics & Government
  • What’s Happening
    • Calendar Of Events
    • Featured Events
      • Art
      • Books
      • Kids
      • Lifestyle & Wellness
      • Food & Drink
      • Music
      • Nature
      • Stage & Screen
  • Opinions
    • Letters
    • Columns
    • Editorials
  • Local
    • Special Sections
    • Local History
  • Marketplace
    • All Classified Ads
    • Help Wanted
    • Post a Classified Ad
  • Obituaries
  • Podcast
  • Subscribe & Support
  • Contact Us
    • Customer Support
    • Advertise
    • Submit A News Tip
  • Print Edition
    • Read ePaper Online
    • Newsstand Locations
    • Where’s My Paper
  • HV1 Magazines
  • Manage HV1 Account
  • Log In

© 2022 Ulster Publishing