Product: Ayrloom up black cherry flavor cannabis-infused sparkling water (beverage)
Producer: Gen V Labs, LLC
Cannabis content: 10 mg THC and 5 mg CBD per serving; 1 total serving
Cannabis variety: Unspecified
Product: Smokiez Edibles handmade cannabis-infused watermelon fruit chews (gummy candy)
Producer: Hepworth Ag, Inc.
Cannabis content: 10 mg THC and mg CBD per serving; 10 total servings
Cannabis variety: Hybrid-balanced
Having dispensaries around means getting all kinds of new advice. I don’t know if I should check this person’s name here or not because I didn’t ask, and some habits run deep, but the tip I got was to try a soda-gummy combo. I had a straight gummy review ready to drop, but decided that one could wait. Never thought about getting saucy like that.
I sipped the effervescent beverage before chewing on the sweeter watermelon gummy. It’s sweeter because it’s got as much sugar — four grams — as the whole can of flavored sparkling water. Maybe adding canna-belly to the downsides would be a good idea. That, or get into weed-yoga or some other kinda THC exercise program to keep the “edible 15” from hitting.
Looks like greyface packaging is what’s sexy this summer. At that farmers’ market in New Paltz, it seemed like just about everything came in a tin, or at least something durable. These gummies were in the same kind of sucky disposable plastic hellscape bag that the Pine Island Kush I reviewed came in — and it’s a major bummer. Not only is it obvious that this will never end up anywhere but a landfill, the way it’s designed makes it much easier to tear through it than yank apart the superstrong ziploc gizmo. C’mon, producers! Show us some of that earth love when you package, please. There are literally Woodstock hippies consuming your products.
The labels for these can be crazy, probably because there’s a ton of rules they gotta follow. On the sparkling water, there’s an instruction not to take another product for at least an hour. That’s fair, because edibles can take awhile to kick in. There’s a warning about that, too: “effects of this product may be delayed by four or more hours.”
Just below all of that are the words “fast acting.” Guess you gotta cover the bases.
For me, it did act pretty fast. I felt some tingles before I finished the drink.
This combo washed over me like a soft and warm pile of wet towels being smushed against my face until you can hear the squish of the water running down your neck, and you’re glad you’re in a steam room and no one is going to laugh at your for the wet spot.
Since my tipster agreed that this wasn’t a combo that was safe for work, I was surprised when I realized that there’s only 20 milligrams of THC involved. Maybe I got the instructions wrong, or maybe I’m just weird because a 20-mg buzz is still office-ready in my world. Well, it’s the top of the range. I find that ten is enough to take the edge off of answering a phone, and if I hit 40, then I might not be able to hang it up again when we stopped talking. I don’t drive a forklift or anything like that, which is good because working cannabis-free is bad for my mental health but doing work like that even a little high might mean saying goodbye to a finger or two. Your mileage my vary, as the old people who want to sound like kids say.
The person looking over my shoulder pointed out that I didn’t actually work while conducting this research, and I most certainly did not speak with strangers on a phone or in person. It was suggested that since I was introspective feedback loopin’ that readers might want to know.
Anyway, since the only work I was doing was writing about what I was eating and drinking, I took another gummy an hour in, bringing me to 30 milligrams. Then I stepped outside and noodled around until the summer heat made the whole steam-room metaphor much less fun. Maybe it was the mix of THC and CBD, and maybe it was the power of my mind alone, but I wrung that metaphor right out of my body and found myself at the low and steady buzz of a hive of honeybees tucked into their little waxy bee beds and settling in for the night after being read a story by the queen. It just kept there in the background as I finished up outside and went back in to stare at a screen — to do chores, and other responsible adult stuff.
Four hours after I popped the top on the can, I got hit with a second wave. I remember having these as a kid when the world was in sharp focus and we smoked plants sold by our more disreputable classmates, back before I understood responsible cannabis use and definitely long before state law set the minimum age for use at 21 years. There was that first, euphoric level that plateaued, probably because funds were limited and supplies were low, but then there would be an expansion that took place awhile later. We all got stuck with time distortion and didn’t have a clue how long it took, but now everybody has phones and even a serious stoner can have the sense to set a timer before popping the top of the can.
That second wave was more of the giant-cotton-balls-massaging-the-forehead-from-within-and-without variety, which I’m sure everyone will agree is an oldie but a goodie. I really felt the cranial shine that got my juices fired up to explain it all in this very review.
Join the family! 
