Review: Pine Island Kush

Product: Pine Island Kush (cannabis flower) 

Producer: Urban Xtracts 

Cannabis content: 723.48 mg THC (20.67%) and 0 mg mg CBD out of 3.5 g total 

Cannabis variety: balanced indica hybrid 

First sniff: well, it’s definitely weed and if I’d been pulled over ten years ago by the five-oh smelling like this, I would have had a long night ahead of me. It’s kinda sweet, kinda reminds me of patchouli, and definitely smells a little bit purple. 

First look: looks brownish-green with orangish-brown. Didn’t see any of the purple that I smelled, but noses are weird that way. The nugs are all pretty small, and if you wanted to just cram one into a bowl and crush it, you could do that. The bud is dry enough it would crush right in, but you’d also be smoking stems. If you’re not into that, break it up first. 

First toke: tastes a little like seltzer on a warm day, with an aftertaste of pine forest on a summer afternoon. 

I’m gonna put this out there: the packaging kinda sucks, and I think it was the man who made it like that. I think there are dudes working in Albany who just wanna kill the buzz any way they want to, and opening this stuff was definitely up there. First of all, it’s not something that’s really usable, like a film canister or the sweet tins some of the pre-rolled joints come in — it’s a baggie from hell, made of plastic tough enough to be expensive to make, but flimsy enough you know there will never be a way to recycle it. It can’t be repurposed for a sandwich because it’s too small, and it’s got this ridiculous ziploc on it that’s stronger than the package itself. I spent awhile trying to get the zip open without destroying the package. Just cut it open and move the tree to your own stash container. Mine looks like Blinky. Anyway, I gotta think that baggies from hell are just proof that the man doesn’t want you to have nice things. 

For smoking, I built myself a hemp-organizing terrestrially bound obliging xenodochium (HOTBOX), because that’s the best setup for containing the smoke until it’s thick enough to make you forget your face. It also keeps the significant other from asking me why I’m stinking up the house with that stuff again, and me saying that the influencers tell me to monetize my hobbies and that this is my only hobby. I know most people can’t get that kind of a feedback loop going, which is why I wait till I’m home alone and crack open the window. This is for science. 

That’s also why I don’t try smoking in a clean pipe. If y’all are using a new pipe every time you try a new plant then damn, you’re making a lot of landfill. If you’ve got the time to clean your piece like a whistle every time you toke up, I’m thinking you might not have a job you hate that has you reaching for the green on your way in the door. I smoke it real. 

The feel I got straight up is something like my ears were about to pop, but then I realized it was just your basic sound funnel with something to make the ol’ canal hairs tingle a bit. Got that tingle up above my eyebrows next, and it made my face feel like some people look when they shave off their eyebrows and draw in new ones that always look surprised. At some point I felt like I had grown an invisible rainbow mohawk. I took a few more hits and decided I should give this a people test. 

Eyes did not flame out. Maybe red eyes just isn’t a thing anymore. Didn’t notice any cotton mouth, either. I did decide that I wasn’t using the right words to describe the flavor. It’s hard, because with cannabis you’re tasting it more with the pineal gland than your tongue gland, and there aren’t a lot of words for that yet. I was also thinking about maybe getting a bong again, but wow you spill one of those on the only dress shirt you own then you either need to buy two more dress shirts, or one dress shirt if you switch back to a bowl. Numbers don’t lie. 

I tried the other people test, too: I shared with a friend. What my friend said was, “Damn, that kicked in quick.” If you’re in a hurry to change your point of view and you don’t mind getting a lil dank and stinky, burning might be the way to go. It’s also really hard to use so much that you forget you have a face. 

Pine Island Kush is available in official New York dispensaries to individuals of legal age for consuming cannabis. Accept no substitutes.