fbpx
  • Subscribe & Support
  • Print Edition
    • Get Home Delivery
    • Read ePaper Online
    • Newsstand Locations
  • HV1 Magazines
  • Contact
    • Advertise
    • Submit Your Event
    • Customer Support
    • Submit A News Tip
    • Send Letter to the Editor
    • Where’s My Paper?
  • Our Newsletters
  • Manage HV1 Account
  • Free HV1 Trial
Hudson Valley One
  • News
    • Schools
    • Business
    • Sports
    • Crime
    • Politics & Government
  • What’s UP
    • Calendar Of Events
    • Subscribe to the What’s UP newsletter
  • Opinion
    • Letters
    • Columns
  • Local
    • Special Sections
    • Local History
  • Marketplace
    • All Classified Ads
    • Post a Classified Ad
  • Obituaries
  • Log Out
No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • Schools
    • Business
    • Sports
    • Crime
    • Politics & Government
  • What’s UP
    • Calendar Of Events
    • Subscribe to the What’s UP newsletter
  • Opinion
    • Letters
    • Columns
  • Local
    • Special Sections
    • Local History
  • Marketplace
    • All Classified Ads
    • Post a Classified Ad
  • Obituaries
  • Log Out
No Result
View All Result
Hudson Valley One
No Result
View All Result

Weather or not

The rime of Johannes Hoarfrost: December 10, 2022

by Johannes Hoarfrost
December 19, 2022
in Columns, Satire
0

Maidin mhaith, Ulster County.

At 5:55 this morning, December 10, the weather is a bone-cold 24 degrees, It hurts to breathe. The grass, stiff from the long cold plunge of night, resists like steel wool underfoot. 

Some warmth will be coming with the sunrise beginning at 7:14. The moon will set behind the Catskills to the west at 9:44 a.m.

Throughout the course of the day the temperature looks to rise to around 37 degrees.

Anticipating the sunset at 4:26 p.m., the temperature begins to fall again after 3 p.m.

Low tide bottoms out at 8:45 a.m. 

For the mountain forecast, now we go to Bjorn Jorgensen out at Belleayre Mountain.

Bjorn, how is your pulled ankle? Have you made the summit this morning?”

Bjorn: I have, with some stubborn difficulty and frank confession of my condition, I used a gondola. I have only now just returned to a steaming cup of Rooibos. Karl and I wait for the snow together. I have by my side a telescope, too, to keep watch.

Johannes:  Oh, yes. Your snowman. The weather is preserving him, then?

Bjorn: “Yes, It is minus five Celsius at the summit, and Karl is quite pleased with himself. He has been outfitted with an old bowler hat set at a rakish angle and smokes a smart meerschaum pipe with a carved fox. I think he must still need a monocle. But yes, the snow will fall tomorrow, and I expect Karl to grow in stature.

Johannes: All this time the snow guns have been making their own snow, though. So you must expect many skiers this weekend?

Bjorn: The snow guns are making the powder from freezing water and spraying into the air in great flurries.

Johannes: All the better to cover the runs for weekend skiers, Bjorn.

Bjorn: It’s a child’s imitation in the grand scheme of things and does not satisfy me. Johannes, when they have learned to tether the clouds above the mountain and make them snow, even then….

Johannes: It’s against nature, is it? Well they’ve already found a way. Scientists sprinkle the clouds with silver iodide and compel them to rain.

Bjorn: So I have heard. There too will come a time when they will use drones. Evil-looking wasps which go buzzing through the cotton. And in some clever way they will have endeavored to chain the clouds to tree stumps, thus interrupting their travels. I can imagine it, Johannes. Each clever invention further diminishes the poetry of nature.

Johannes: I understand you, Bjorn. Like holding a Latin mass to English. Comprehension makes the mystery smaller.

Bjirn: There’s a woman climbing the slope with ski poles. She seems quite dedicated …. Well, If it must be, to feed the clouds, I would prefer them unchained, and an employee to go among them in a hot-air balloon, casting great fistfulls of the silver iodide which I imagine looks like glitter, or shavings of metal. Moving from cloud to cloud, tending them with consideration.

Johannes: You’ve created cloudfarmers, Bjorn. Conscientious of their transient flock.  

What clouds there are in the sky are pushed south from a northeasterly wind blowing at eight knots.

For those with watercraft still out of drydock who are brave enough to face the biting river wind, a high tide of three feet and nine inches arrives at 2:35 p.m.

The moon will rise again also in the east, somewhat decreased from last night’s stature at 6:22 p.m. but it will appear much exaggerated through proximity, two hours after sunset.

Check out other columns from this series.

Tags: hoarfrost almanacmembers
Join the family! Grab a free month of HV1 from the folks who have brought you substantive local news since 1972. We made it 50 years thanks to support from readers like you. Help us keep real journalism alive.
- Geddy Sveikauskas, Publisher

Johannes Hoarfrost

Related Posts

The no-death cosmic model
Columns

The no-death cosmic model

May 27, 2025
Susan Slotnick: Try the latest anti-trauma exercise
Columns

Useful information

May 19, 2025
Daniel Smiley, Thomas H. Elliott, Judge Sharpe and more from the headlines 100 years ago
Columns

Daniel Smiley, Thomas H. Elliott, Judge Sharpe and more from the headlines 100 years ago

May 12, 2025
Are we destined to be forever stuck on planet Earth?
Columns

Are we destined to be forever stuck on planet Earth?

May 12, 2025
A green glacier
Columns

A green glacier

May 7, 2025
Mars meets the Moon
Columns

Mars meets the Moon

April 28, 2025
Next Post
new paltz village hall exterior

Public meeting to approve façade renovation of building in New Paltz

Weather

Kingston, NY
59°
Rain
5:21 am8:25 pm EDT
Feels like: 57°F
Wind: 10mph W
Humidity: 81%
Pressure: 29.2"Hg
UV index: 1
SunMonTue
64°F / 45°F
75°F / 48°F
82°F / 57°F
powered by Weather Atlas

Subscribe

Independent. Local. Substantive. Subscribe now.

×
We've expanded coverage and need your support. Subscribe now for unlimited access -- free article(s) remain for the month.
View Subscription Offers Sign In
  • Subscribe & Support
  • Print Edition
  • HV1 Magazines
  • Contact
  • Our Newsletters
  • Manage HV1 Account
  • Free HV1 Trial

© 2022 Ulster Publishing

No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • Schools
    • Business
    • Sports
    • Crime
    • Politics & Government
  • What’s Happening
    • Calendar Of Events
    • Art
    • Books
    • Kids
    • Lifestyle & Wellness
    • Food & Drink
    • Music
    • Nature
    • Stage & Screen
  • Opinions
    • Letters
    • Columns
  • Local
    • Special Sections
    • Local History
  • Marketplace
    • All Classified Ads
    • Post a Classified Ad
  • Obituaries
  • Subscribe & Support
  • Contact Us
    • Customer Support
    • Advertise
    • Submit A News Tip
  • Print Edition
    • Read ePaper Online
    • Newsstand Locations
    • Where’s My Paper
  • HV1 Magazines
  • Manage HV1 Account
  • Log In
  • Free HV1 Trial
  • Subscribe to Our Newsletters
    • Hey Kingston
    • New Paltz Times
    • Woodstock Times
    • Week in Review

© 2022 Ulster Publishing