Nude Party at Colony in Woodstock

Look, even their own press kit warns that the lively North Carolina-bred British Invasion co-opters the Nude Party are called that for a reason: an aberrative behavioral tendency to disrobe. But even in Woodstock, where nudity was largely invented, local ordinances apply, and them pretty-faced Carolina bucks would do well to keep their trousers fastened unless they want to taste the salt on the cold concrete floors of the taxpayers’ mighty fine county detention center. “Blarc ’em, Sheriff! Blarc ’em on up. Tour grounded. Van impounded. There’s a cell here we call the Punk Basement. G. G. Allin slept there, cherubic in his own essence. You, sir, are no G. G. Allin. Do you use that faux Cockney when you cry out for your Mommy in the night, son? It’s really more a Scouse anyway, wouldn’t you say, Paul? Posers. Blarc ’em.”

Now that we’re clear on that, precocious Brit/pop revivalists the Nude Party perform at Colony in Woodstock on Saturday, December 9 at 8 p.m., joined by kindred locals Schmave and Moon Unitt. Epic party warning. Tickets cost $10 in advance, $12 at the door. For more information, visit Colony is located at 22 Rock City Road in Woodstock.