fbpx
  • Subscribe & Support
  • Print Edition
    • Get Home Delivery
    • Read ePaper Online
    • Newsstand Locations
  • HV1 Magazines
  • Contact
    • Advertise
    • Submit Your Event
    • Customer Support
    • Submit A News Tip
    • Send Letter to the Editor
    • Where’s My Paper?
  • Our Newsletters
  • Manage HV1 Account
  • Free HV1 Trial
Hudson Valley One
  • News
    • Schools
    • Business
    • Sports
    • Crime
    • Politics & Government
  • What’s UP
    • Calendar Of Events
    • Subscribe to the What’s UP newsletter
  • Opinion
    • Letters
    • Columns
  • Local
    • Special Sections
    • Local History
  • Marketplace
    • All Classified Ads
    • Post a Classified Ad
  • Obituaries
  • Log Out
No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • Schools
    • Business
    • Sports
    • Crime
    • Politics & Government
  • What’s UP
    • Calendar Of Events
    • Subscribe to the What’s UP newsletter
  • Opinion
    • Letters
    • Columns
  • Local
    • Special Sections
    • Local History
  • Marketplace
    • All Classified Ads
    • Post a Classified Ad
  • Obituaries
  • Log Out
No Result
View All Result
Hudson Valley One
No Result
View All Result

Being on hold

by Mark Sherman
April 19, 2016
in Columns
0

One of the numerous joys of modern life is being put on hold when you call almost anyone. My mother, may she rest in peace, never put me on hold, and my wife rarely does, but with everyone else, I’ve come to expect it — especially when I’m calling any sort of office or company.

Usually, of course, it’s automatic. After pressing whatever keys you have to in order to get to the appropriate person, you are placed on hold. This is the same wherever you call, but it’s what you hear when you’re on hold that runs the gamut. Sometimes what you are forced to listen to seems like it is fully intended to get you to hang up.

Case in point: a New York State Civil Service number, which I have occasionally had to call regarding health insurance. What you hear as you wait is some kind of repetitive rhythmic sound — reminiscent of an old vinyl record getting stuck.

This wouldn’t be so bad if your hold time was, say, three minutes. But, no, in my experience it is rarely less than 15 minutes. I have thought many times that the military could use this sound as a way to force information out of suspected terrorists. In fact, by the time someone finally does answer at Civil Service you are so beside yourself that you’re likely to scream out, “I’ll confess! I did it!”

Then there are companies which periodically interrupt whatever the usual hold sound is with an ad for one of their products. Listen, I don’t want one of your #!&*%#! products, I just want a human being to answer my call!

On the other hand, there are offices or companies that actually make it a pleasure to be put on hold. For example, if you really want to enjoy the waiting, call the New York Times. I did the other day and was treated to some beautiful classical music; I’m pretty sure it was Mozart. But then again, what would you expect from the Times? The customer service rep, who came on the phone after I’d been listening to a minute or two of my favorite composer, soon asked me to hold on while she got some information, and again I heard that wonderful music. I don’t think I was able to fully hide my disappointment when she ended the concert by getting back on; and prior to that we had been getting along really well. I told her how much I liked the music, but it was too late. I think she was a little upset with me.

What I also like are the messages which tell you right up front that your hold time will be between, say, one and three minutes, although I once got one that said, “We are experiencing unusually heavy call volume; your hold time will be more than 10 minutes.” Well, isn’t that a big help. Do you mean 11 or 12 minutes, or do you mean possibly two hours?

Actually, though I know hardly anyone is calling anyone any more, but rather going online or texting or tweeting or bleating, so when the message says “All of our customer service representatives are busy helping other customers,” it’s probably one poor soul answering all the calls, still, the wait time that callers have to go through could be made a source of relaxation or genuine pleasure. For example, you could be offered a choice of what kind of entertainment, if any, you’d like as you waited; the message could say, “Please press 1 if you’d like silence for meditation, 2 if you’d like Shakespeare, 3 if you’d like classical music, and 4 if you’d like phone sex.” (Of course, if you pressed 4, you’d have some other choices to make.) I can hear it now: “I know you hate waiting, honey, so let me wait with you…mmmmm…ahhhhh….”

If New York Civil Service did that, I could truly say I LOVE New York!

Tags: mark sherman
Join the family! Grab a free month of HV1 from the folks who have brought you substantive local news since 1972. We made it 50 years thanks to support from readers like you. Help us keep real journalism alive.
- Geddy Sveikauskas, Publisher

Mark Sherman

Related Posts

Blue: Your favorite color
Columns

Blue: Your favorite color

June 24, 2025
How we see each other and ourselves
Columns

How we see each other and ourselves

June 16, 2025
Suddenly summer
Columns

Suddenly summer

June 11, 2025
Outer space clickbait
Columns

Outer space clickbait

June 11, 2025
What the newspapers said 100 years ago
Columns

What the newspapers said 100 years ago

June 2, 2025
The no-death cosmic model
Columns

The no-death cosmic model

May 27, 2025
Next Post

Living with Elephants launches new CD at BSP this Saturday

Weather

Kingston, NY
72°
Clear
5:26 am8:35 pm EDT
Feels like: 72°F
Wind: 0mph NNE
Humidity: 77%
Pressure: 30.05"Hg
UV index: 0
MonTueWed
88°F / 72°F
88°F / 66°F
86°F / 66°F
powered by Weather Atlas

Subscribe

Independent. Local. Substantive. Subscribe now.

  • Subscribe & Support
  • Print Edition
  • HV1 Magazines
  • Contact
  • Our Newsletters
  • Manage HV1 Account
  • Free HV1 Trial

© 2022 Ulster Publishing

No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • Schools
    • Business
    • Sports
    • Crime
    • Politics & Government
  • What’s Happening
    • Calendar Of Events
    • Art
    • Books
    • Kids
    • Lifestyle & Wellness
    • Food & Drink
    • Music
    • Nature
    • Stage & Screen
  • Opinions
    • Letters
    • Columns
  • Local
    • Special Sections
    • Local History
  • Marketplace
    • All Classified Ads
    • Post a Classified Ad
  • Obituaries
  • Subscribe & Support
  • Contact Us
    • Customer Support
    • Advertise
    • Submit A News Tip
  • Print Edition
    • Read ePaper Online
    • Newsstand Locations
    • Where’s My Paper
  • HV1 Magazines
  • Manage HV1 Account
  • Log In
  • Free HV1 Trial
  • Subscribe to Our Newsletters
    • Hey Kingston
    • New Paltz Times
    • Woodstock Times
    • Week in Review

© 2022 Ulster Publishing