Back to school
As our kids return to their schools and home education classes, I’ve got food allergies, special needs and parents’ night out programs on my mind. I want to explore some of the ways in which we can be helpers to each other, and I would love your input. I’ll revisit the food allergies and special needs topics around Halloween and the December holidays, so e-mail me your thoughts, experiences and favorite resources, and I will try to include them in upcoming columns.
Food allergies
I care about this issue because it affects people I love, and the more I learn, the more passionate I am that awareness and education can directly protect children from becoming violently ill or even dying. I got the inside scoop from area Moms with direct life-threatening food allergy experience.
“While back-to-school is always a hectic time for parents, it is extremely stressful for families like mine. I have to double-check my crazy-long lists: Did I get brand-new chewable Benadryl in a sealed, labeled box, because last year’s is expired? Do I have new, unexpired Epi-Pens for the nurse’s office – four in total for my two kids? Have I e-mailed or met with my teachers to discuss my kids’ allergies? Baked cupcakes for the freezer for upcoming birthday celebrations? Talked to or signed up to be class parent for my kids’ classes? Not to mention the normal stuff like school supplies, haircuts et cetera – those are practically at the bottom of my list,” explains Suzie Fromer, co-founder and co-leader of FoodAllergyNY, a support group for food-allergic families in and around Westchester County, www.foodallergyny.com.
What do families with food allergy wish we knew? Here’s what one friend shared with me whose tween-aged son has a life-threatening nut allergy:
1.Not every food-allergic child is alike. Some have lower thresholds for reaction. The most sensitive children, and often the youngest children, need to worry about traces and residue from the food of other people. Many people assume that if the food-allergic child is not directly consuming the food item, then they won’t be affected. But just having contact with the food can affect the child, which is why s/he needs an allergen-free zone.
2. As much as possible, strive to help make the classroom a safe and inclusive place for all the children. Traces in the classroom may be even more dangerous than the cafeteria, because the children spend the majority of their schoolday there, and they may not be cleaned in the same way that the cafeteria is. Statistically, children are more at risk during classroom parties and during field trips than they are in the cafeteria.
3. Follow the requests of your teacher and school, even if they don’t make sense to you. Food allergy does not make sense! How can it be that one kid’s favorite food can harm another? Be a good citizen about food guidelines. If you feel that it is distressing to your child, then discuss this with your teacher. And realize that the parent scrutinizing the “may contain traces” label is not more neurotic or crazy than the mother who is more casual about her child’s allergy. She has a different child. She has a different doctor. She is doing her best to keep her child safe. A favorite quote of mine is by Hugh Sampson, MD: “If people don’t point to you as you walk down the street and say, ‘There goes that crazy mother,’ then you aren’t doing enough to protect your food-allergic child.”
4. A severe life-threatening reaction does not manifest in one way. Most people are aware that the throat can close. But a child can also die from a fast drop in blood pressure or from a sudden severe asthma attack brought on by an encounter with an allergen. Asthma meds will not help if it is a food reaction. Epinephrine will.
Cheryl Demuth, executive director and founder of Livingston Street Early Childhood Community and Hillside Nursery in Kingston, suggests some delicious and nutritious allergy-friendly options: “Here is a list of snacks we offer regularly: sliced apples and oatmeal; rice cakes with almond butter and raisins; green beans and chickpea or white bean hummus; quinoa with carrot sticks; gluten-free/corn-free cereal with unsweetened coconut milk.” Fromer highlighted this special treat: “My absolute favorite new product is the Sneaky Chef’s No Nut Butter: a golden pea butter peanut butter substitute. Tastes better than soy butter and is a new food for my older son, who is also allergic to sunflower seeds (so no Sunbutter) and is finally an alternative to grilled cheese.”
Some final thoughts from the friend of mine whom I quoted earlier: “Frightening as a food allergy can be, don’t be afraid to befriend a food-allergic child. It can be easier than you realize to have safe playdates. It can be easier to tweak an environment so a child can be safely included. The Epi-Pen and Auvi-Q are simple devices. And with some care, a reaction is a rare event. My doctor once told me it is as likely to happen as any major medical emergency with a child. Food allergy is serious, but it is manageable!”
Special needs
I asked Lynda Rosner, assistant director of Hudson Valley Behavioral Solutions, New York State-certified teacher of the speech- and hearing-handicapped and board-certified behavior analyst, about supporting families and children with special needs during the back-to-school season. What do these families wish that we knew?
“The most common complaint I hear from parents is the social disapproval they feel when they are out in public. These are some things special needs parents wished you knew:
‘Yes, I know it’s cold out; please don’t judge me. Please think twice before you comment on my child who is being carried out of the jumpy place, without his shoes on, in the middle of winter. I am just so proud that he went in the bounce house with all of those other kids. He hates wearing his shoes, and I wanted to leave on a good note so that he will want to come back here with his friends! We will work on leaving with his shoes on after our next visit.
‘Yes, I hear my child screaming in the middle of the store; please don’t ask her what is wrong. She really wants a new toy every time we walk into a store, so we are practicing walking through the store and not buying anything. If I give her the toy she will stop crying, but I will also be broke.’
‘Yes, my child is sitting at the dinner table with his iPad; please don’t give me that look. This is the first time we have been able to sit at a table in public and eat our entire dinner; I am so proud that he just took a bite of his chicken!’
‘Yes, I want to hear about your child’s accomplishments and troubles; please understand that sometimes I am a little bit jealous. I love my child and I am proud of her accomplishments, but I am human. Sometimes it’s hard.’”
Join the family! 
